cognac, I feel so bad for you. I too would view this as a betrayal. One of the main reasons my long-term marriage broke up was the total lack of marital confidentiality. Anything I said that could be interpreted as being critical of the Society and revealing doubt in any of its ever-changing teachings was eagerly passed on to the elders and, even worse in my mind, to my extended family and friends. It totally undermined my trust and confidence in her. And that led to the love and affection I once had for her dying also.
I'm not recommending any particular course of action. I wish you all the best, and I hope your husband will see the error of his ways and stop making you feel like you're constantly being spied upon. No one should have to live under such stress and disrespect. You have every right to remove yourself from that situation, if that's what you decide is best for you.
This is what happens when one puts loyalty to a religious organization above loyalty to one's mate. And it's just one more sign that the entire religion is little more than a cult.